OPEN LETTERS
An Open Letter to the Mother Trying to Rescue Her Daughter from Anorexia
You can save her, but sometimes an untraditional route is the way to go.
To Whom It May Concern,
I hope this letter finds you well. I came across your anonymous posting about your daughter in a Facebook group and knew I had to reach out.
My name is Clara Lachman and I also spent the last two years battling anorexia. My desire to lose weight started off innocently after my second year of university but quickly spiraled into a dark depression I never thought I would escape from.
For some context, the person I was before my eating disorder and the person I turned into during anorexia was a completely unrecognizable figure. When I was younger, I had so much life in me, loved going out and being social, and had all the motivation to work towards my biggest ambitions. When anorexia took over, it destroyed the old Clara as well: I became pessimistic, never left my room, and lost all desire to live my life and enjoy my time on this planet.
Over time, my anorexia started affecting me more severely on a physical level: I got to my lowest weight of 86 pounds, started experiencing hair loss, lost my period, and could barely walk due to muscle atrophy — a condition in which I began losing muscle.
Appropriately, my family began getting more and more concerned, and quickly, the endless doctor appointments began in which I began to be forced into a recovery I was not ready for yet. Although I was never hospitalized — mainly due to my strict refusal to seek any official inpatient treatment — I started seeing an osteopath, a naturopath, and a psychologist to try and get better.
To be quite candid, none of those practitioners truly helped me. Yes, my osteopath did restore my ability to walk, but no one helped me unravel the core root of my problem which led me to choose anorexia’s path in the first place.
I am 22-years-old right now and although I have been in “recovery” over the last year, it is only recently, that I can tell you with confidence, that I have finally begun to battle anorexia’s devilish voice.
You see, the problem with eating disorders is that everyone perceives them all wrong in the first place. The physical effects on the body are only a side effect; in reality, eating disorders are a mental condition.
When it comes to anorexia, the reason it is so difficult to overcome that inner voice is that it is a disorder of control; it traps one within its grasp, tempting them with comfort and security by acting as a safety blanket that promises to never let go. Unless one decides for themselves that they are ready to experience discomfort and break free from anorexia’s shackles, it is almost a wasted effort to try to force recovery on them.
I am telling you this because I want to be honest about what true recovery looks like; it is not a quick-fix solution with a clear path that can be forced onto an individual. Having a large team of doctors is not always the optimal solution, and sometimes a more “untraditional” approach offers the better alternative. And I am an example of that.
I recently started working with an individual by the name of Tamara after hitting a breaking point in my own recovery. Before we met, I would tell myself and those around me that I was finally getting better. But from my weak appearance, mental breakdowns, and endless hours spent in my room in complete isolation, it was quite obvious I was lying.
The truth is, I have been wanting to get better and finally say goodbye to my eating disorder, but I just couldn’t get myself to actually make the changes I needed.
My mom referred me to Tamara who also helped my aunt. At first, I was a bit skeptical since Tamara’s profession didn’t fit into the typical eating disorder support team: she was a numerologist.
But after having an emotional collapse one night after restricting myself from eating all day, I knew that if I didn’t finally do what needed to be done to gain control of my life back, then there would only be one ending to my story, and it wouldn’t be a happy one.
So, I met with Tamara.
And that first 2-hour session with her was all I needed to finally understand that recovery was possible for me, and this time, I was going to achieve it.
I have been seeing Tamara for about one month now and have already made more progress during that short span of time than I have over the last year pursuing the typical eating disorder treatment methods.
Tamara has helped me get to the root of my eating disorder and has been working with me to develop a personalized plan that specifically addresses my individual situation. Her approach is practical because it is based on taking action rather than having the typical, surface-level discussions.
I have already implemented changes to my life and have taken steps to break free from anorexia’s strict control—something I never before thought I was capable of.
One small accomplishment that I am particularly proud of is eating my fear foods, including cake and basically anything with chocolate. Over the last two years, I didn’t let myself eat anything with sugar and even deprived myself of my favourite cake on my 21st and 22nd birthday. And let me tell you, I was a huge chocolate enthusiast during my entire childhood and adolescence. But, once anorexia gained control, I was scared that I would instantly gain weight from one chocolate bar, or would enjoy the sugar so much, that my one piece of chocolate would turn into a binge.
Tamara helped me overcome that.
During my first week of working with her, I ate two large chocolate muffins. And the best part? I ate them completely guilt-free and with so much enjoyment.
What’s funny is that in the past, I was so scared of binge eating, but after satisfying my craving for something sweet with that first muffin, I was satiated and no longer tempted to reach for the second.
That is until my sweet tooth took over again the next day.
But this time, I didn’t try to torture myself by neglecting my craving. Instead, I honoured it and happily bit into my muffin with excitement. (I even have video evidence to prove it!)
For the longest time, I was so scared that if I gave up restriction, I would lose all sense of control that my eating disorder was upholding. However, by doing so, I was only ever miserable and dreaded opening my eyes every morning because it meant another day of deprivation.
Tamara allowed me to finally take the steps forward in challenging those distorted perceptions. And for the first time in a long time, I’m really lucky to say that I am finally rediscovering my happiness.
I once again have the desire to work towards my dreams and ambitions and have the motivation to dress up, leave my room, and go explore the real world.
However unusual this approach may be in recovering from an eating disorder, Tamara has helped me finally see the light at the end of my tunnel; and now that I know it’s there, I am so committed to continue moving towards it.
I understand how difficult your current situation is and although it may seem like there is no way out of it, I want you to know that recovery for your daughter is possible. Sometimes, it just takes is some out-of-the-box thinking to finally lead her towards it.
Yours sincerely,
Clara Lachman
